Friday, October 18, 2013

TheMatronWrites .....coming in a bit.

Hello my dears,

Yeah, I know. I owe you whispers episode 8. I am going to deliver it and much more.
Just keep it locked in.

thematronwrites is launching tonight and we will finally say a bye to debbieshizzles. ( I will miss that name sha…J ) Plus I will be saying a little thanks to my readers for encouraging me to keep writing stories. It is going to be my little way of paying you guys back for the time you dedicate to reading my stories and leaving a comment. Y'all are awesome.

Watch the space and save the address. See you soon.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Barka De Sallah

Barka De sallah to all my muslim sisters and brothers. So sorry this is coming late, just had loads of activities. And because I love y'all, I created some time for this. :)

I am sure you all had a blast; for me - I don’t know what to say- it was just there. I guess it was more reflection time for me than wining and dining and dancing. I could give you the gist later J - could o because I know una too like gist.
Catch ya lerra.



Friday, October 11, 2013

Amope Ade - The Bloke From My Past.

Hello My darlings,

Trust you all are doing great. The last episode of Whispers won't be coming in today. We regret this deeply. This is as a result of the blog revamp process going on, whatever I post here won't be carried forward to the new blog TheMatronWrites, so we thought it is best that we wait and post it directly to the new page. So sorry for that. I decided to call on Amope to give us gist while we wait for TheMatronWrites to come on board. Enjoy below one of Amope's hilarious gists.


My People, this last Sunday’s thanksgiving service should have been dedicated to me strictly; my dance to the Lord didn’t have Part 2. I danced it all. Mehn, it was a close shave, na God saved me. I used to think I’ve got brains but now I know that na God dey favour me. The bloke from my past almost put me in trouble, na small remain. Hang on for the full gist.

Last week Saturday, I was loafing around the house nothing in particular to do. The girls had gone back to school and Dekunle left the house very early to see a client. I’m beginning to suspect that guy, always going out on weekends these day- I will be needing a car tracker soon. I wonder why we no get Cheaters Nigeria. We sha have dub everything; Idols, Deal or no Deal, Temptation Nigeria, Don't forget the lyrics. Anyways, out of boredom, I put a call through to Bimpe, the only unmarried one of us. She has many escapades and at times it's just fun to roll with her.

Hello Bimpe, kilon pop!”

“Hey oremi mo wa o, you just bone my side. One day sha me sef go marry”

Sharrap there jor, I don match-make you for two people , you said they are dulling you, enjoy your spinsterhood”

“Ese gan ni, why you call abeg?”

Bimpe is a very tapping lady, she is 35, two years younger than I but mehn, we flow well like river. She has a killer figure, doesn’t look 35 at all, more of 28. She is so social, she has connections to some celebrities and will go for their functions and events. You will see her on Bellanaija, on Genevieve magazine and the likes. And she is one of those they will put below their picture ‘a friend’…lol. They no dey popular....hehehehehe :), public no know them heheheheh. But photographers can't ignore, she is too pretty and her fashion sense is on point. She is hot and spunky (my friend shai’s slang).

“I’m bored jare, any event planned for today? I asked.

“Hey....Joke wan roll with the babes…that’s so cool. Wey your husband?

No dey call me Joke, u no dey hear word. Dekunle is out to see some clients, oya tell me wetin dey happen?”

“I have a parrie at hand o"

My dulling nerves woke up, I like parties I swear, especially at times like this when I’m dead bored, na our blood e dey, awa omo ijebu alare *wink. Sharply, I showered and dressed to my teeth, Omo, I looked so fab knowing that Bimpe will look super fab. I wore a black lace gown which fitted me well, not before wearing my shape enhancing body magic :) I matched it with my hot red Louboutin. My human hair bonded in a doughnut, my make up was on point. I snapped myself and sent the pix to Dekunle.

“Where to? Thought you said you don’t have a plan to go out today”

“I have now sweetheart, going out with Bimpe to Adetola Utuang’s birthday party”

Adetola Utuang is a Nollywood celebrity trending fast and with the way she is going, the top go be her abode. You know how it is, the more you bare, the famous you get. I won't be shocked to see her picture on a blog with caption; TOPLESS ADETOLA. We sha must wa.

“Who did they invite? Bimpe or You”

“Don’t be un-nice Dekunle, It was Bimpe but I will crash"

“Ok o, no let bouncer kick you out o”

I quickly discharged him before he kills my high spirit. The freedom I have when the girls are in school ehn….e no get part 2.

The party was a blast, I saw some celebs, Bimpe flirted with some and took pictures with them. That Bimpe na case believe me. She was just smiling even when unnecessary. As a married woman, I stayed put and took some Baileys in ice. I was having a blast while watching Bimpe with her flirtations. She was just opening her teeth to all the men and they returned the favour, they didn’t have much choice.

Iyanya and Wizkid’s sexymama was on play and I was really feeling like one. I shook my body to the rhythm. Then I heard a husky voice behind me.

“You will do better on the dance floor Joke Oloowokere”, even before turning I knew it was someone from my past. And the voice sounded familiar, could it be who I am thinking? I asked myself. The voice was the same. I was shocked to my marrows to see who it was. It was Percy Martins, the bloke from my past. He occupied Bimpe’s empty seat. Let me give you the gist of Percy.


Some many years ago, I was working with a well established courier company on the Island. My friend at the time, Yinka Ajala was selected also, we were fresh and bright (trust me naw) and not expensive to have on the payroll. While Yinka was so into the job trying to impress, I wasn't. How I for do now, on top N15k salary?

The staff bus stopped at the office car park at exactly 8.20am; Mondays, Rush, Traffic should be synonyms. I raced through the staircase, couldn’t wait for the lift as I was late already. I got into my office panting like I just raced 100 metres. I had not applied make up on my face, I planned to log on, and then hit the convenience to paint my pretty face. As I logged on to Outlook, a reminder popped up. A meeting had been scheduled on Friday for 8am Monday morning. Yepa, how did I not remember? And my naughty friend and colleague, Yinka stopped over at my house after church service the previous day and didn’t remind me. Everything na competition for her. I saw her bag on her desk so I knew she was around and in the meeting room. I hurriedly picked my notebook and headed to the meeting room.

All heads turned towards the door to see the latecomer, aprokos. I was about apologising for my lateness when my boss said, “No worries Joke, sit down”. I looked across the room and saw Yinka. She was looking very pretty, then I remembered I was with no make up. Bad market! Oversabi Yinka wey no fine before come fine pass me. When I settled in, I did a quick check of all the attendees and then I saw a stranger! A very handsome stranger he was. How could a man be so sinfully well-favoured? I did a rough guess.

Age – maybe 26

Marital status – Single (there was no ring on his finger and no mark that it has ever been)

Surname – Williams, Dennis, Peters, Bright, Cole or maybe Shakespeare ..whichever I no mind

Then I did the usual; Mrs Adejoke Williams, Mrs Adejoke Dennis, Mrs Adejoke Peters, Mrs Adejoke Bright, Mrs Adejoke Cole, Mrs Adejoke Shakespeare…..

“Does anyone have a comment or question?” Mrs Ore asked.

I was startled, my mind was far away in the Dubai desert, with my hands locked in Mr Bloke’s, our toes in the sand.

“No questions ma,” we murmured.

“For the sakes of those that came in late; Mr Percy Martins here is on a six months contract from IBM. He will be assisting us on the modelling of the new software, the platform it will operate and he will……………………………………” I switched off already while she repeated all she had said when I wasn’t there. I just nodded along like I was following. If I didn’t switch off, I would have forgotten the name. Mrs Adejoke Percy Martins. Father! What a perfect combination.

After the meeting, I went over to Yinka’s desk to have a little chat.

“Babes na wa for you o, you were with me yesterday and you no remind me of the meeting”

“No now, I didn’t remember myself. I was just lucky to arrive at the office early”

“We no dey go for the Monday meeting before now, so why she invite us for this one? Abi she don forget we be Industrial attachee?"

“Guess to introduce the new guy to us”

“Omo! that guy hot”

“Heyhey Joke, can we work this morning and can talk about him later”

“Stiffo, Onise.”, I felt slighted but na true sha; na early Monday morning, make we work.


It was lunch hour, and I sent a chat to Yinka asking if she was ready. She replied No that she had a deadline to meet. I thought, what could be so important, no be IT we both be?
I sha let it pass. I got to the canteen, ordered my food and as I sat to devour, guess who I saw. The busy one! And she wasn’t alone, she was with the bloke. Apparently, she wasn’t busy; she wanted me to leave so she could come alone with the bloke. She liked him too. I became very jealous and angry. She just smiled at me as they passed. I forced a smile back. They got their food and didn’t come to sit at my table, they chose a different table. Can you imagine?

This sidelining continued for a month and I practically lost my friend to my crush. They do lunch together, they come to the office together and leave together. All efforts to get Percy Martins’ attention was futile. And I liked the guy! *coversface*

Then one day, I was rushing to join the staff bus when I saw the bloke sitting alone at the reception playing with his phone. He was apparently waiting for Yinka who was held up by God knows what. He looked impatient like he was tired of waiting. I forgot about the staff bus I was trying to catch, he had not seen me then so I rushed to the bathroom and retouched my make – up. I rushed back and luckily still met the bloke waiting.

"Hello Percy"

"Oh hi"

"Guess you are waiting for your girlfriend"

He gave that smile that made my knees weak and said, "one of my girlfriends". I thought that was a joke. I sat beside him and engaged him in some rants. I told him he was cute and I won’t mind being his friend. (Even I was shocked to hear myself say that!). He allowed me talk while he listened looking directly into my eyes.

"Ok, ..ehn......lady, (my head banged, he didn’t even know my name or wanted me to think so )….you really have made good effort. I admire your courage to say this. And because of that you can join the queue, you are after the boss. I guess you’ve earned yourself a piece of the cake. You can have a bite but it is definitely too much for just you", he grinned.

Just as he said this, Yinka came out apologising to him. "Sorry I kept you waiting; she grabbed him by the hand and whisked him away not before saying a dry 'Hi Joke.'

"Me hi Joke, mo ti suffer", I thought. And to cap the insult, I missed the bus and he had to zoom past me as I was trekking down the road. Proud bastard, faworaja. I felt like burying myself in the ground. I was ashamed.

Ever since that happened, I avoided him and was glad when his contract lapsed and he had to leave. He reminded me daily before he left that the cake was still available for me. He was a player.


Now he was sitting in front of me, and after many years I still feel stupid. And the idiot brought it up during our conversation.

 “Joke, you are really looking gorgeous”

“Thanks Percy, you aint bad yourself. How are you?", I acted like the matured woman I am, you know now :)

“I’m fine and can definitely be better…You know..I still got your cake”. I smiled knowing exactly what he meant.

“Don’t go there”

“Why not?”

“Because I definitely do not take left over, I am sure the cake has moulds already”

“You wanna try some”. The naughty man was flirting with me.

“Can you please just leave, I am a married woman now, a respectable one”

“You wanted this cake badly years back”

“Thank God I didn’t have a bite; I probably will still be treating STD”
That got to him, I smiled.

“Trust you saying that to feel good, are you still hurting?”

“Why would I when I have a bakery at home and I span out cakes and pastries at will?”

“It won’t taste the same. I will still keep your share; I could increase the size as I see you have a bigger taste and a larger appetite now”

“See beyond yourself Percy, you are still a proud jerk just as I remember.”
Then I saw Bimpe coming and I hurriedly dismissed the bloke, I knew Bimpe would raise it afterwards but I didn’t care. She could have my piece of the cake!

I got home that night exhausted, I gave the Dekunle the full gist (maybe not full) and he was glad I had fun. Then as we were on the bed preparing to sleep, my phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number, and as a rule- we do not pick calls when we are on the bed ready to sleep. It rang again, and then I asked, “This may be important, can I?”

“No, you made the rule.”

“Ok na wahala.”

So I sent the number a text message; ‘please send text.’ The message didn’t come in and I dozed off. In morning I woke up and saw Dekunle with my phone, he reads Debbie’s stories on it whenever he has time. On our way to church, I brought my phone out to check bb status updates, and then I saw an unread message that came after I’d slept the previous night. 

“Hey Joke love, I swear I am more eager to have the cake than give. You were looking so gorgeous today. What was I thinking back then? Damn me, I didn’t see the potentials. Please let’s hook up. I can be your oven, yours to be Percy”. 

I had my heart in my mouth. And to think Dekunle had the phone earlier in the morning and didn't check the message. Father Lord, you are amazing. What would I have said? How would I have come out clean? 

Guess how the jerk got my number!

When Bimpe joined the table, he suddenly started looking for his phone. He said he was sure he 
dropped it on the table. We searched everywhere we didn’t see it, and then he said I should please call the number. I did and it rang on his body. He said he was sorry he put us through the trouble that he didn’t know it was in his pocket.

The man fooled me and I, Amope-Ade will deal with him for wanting to pour sand in my garri. I promise.

Alright jare. See you guys on the other side of....TheMatronWrites...